tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post1033539690773573360..comments2024-02-11T03:39:05.836-05:00Comments on still life with circles: Four Remindersstill life angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150141781089602529noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-15214783245591534282009-04-04T22:19:00.000-04:002009-04-04T22:19:00.000-04:00Buddha taught that it isn't what happens to us tha...Buddha taught that it isn't what happens to us that brings us misery but rather the difference between what happens and our expectations. Perhaps your morbid thoughts would simply make you more present if that situation arose. The ideal is to have no expectation but I've never been successful at that no matter how much I meditate. So maybe you're just a step ahead. :-)"numb_was_better"https://www.blogger.com/profile/07901211504065991788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-51040212315161876332009-04-04T21:35:00.000-04:002009-04-04T21:35:00.000-04:00First off when you say things like "Anyway, the me...First off when you say things like "Anyway, the metatext of the initial statement is multifaceted. " you make me feel really stupid! LOL! I was all like "What??" But, I will say the whole morbid thoughts thing...I do that too. I've always been a "What if" type of person. "What if my baby dies?" Yup, had lots of those thoughts...people thought I was nuts. Now they must think I'm psychic. I even had a dream at 2 months preggers about going into labor at 6 months and the baby dying. My son was still born 2 days before he was 6 months gestated! And Buhdist or not, that therapists remarks about you dying...gave me goose bumps. What a thought!! I'm a control freak. That kind of just rattled my cage a little.<BR/>A friend of mine is desperate to get pregnant. She said to me, about a month after my son died, that she wanted a girl, not a boy. I looked her dead in the face and I said "You'd better WANT whatever baby that you're LUCKY to get to bring home ALIVE" She stared at me in shock, and then said "you're right" and never said anything like that again. And then my mother...MY OWN MOTHER...made some off handed remark this past weekend about "people" (uh you mean ME!) being able to get past their own sorrow and see others sorrow. I'm sorry if I don't consider my brother and sisters petty squabbles over said brothers divorce (from 3 years ago!!) to be a significant source of sorrow that I should put my own sorrow of dead baby (from 2 months prior) on the side for them. I seriously am having a hard time tolerating anyone in the "real" world anymore.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04602706939281669017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-57775705493195233152009-04-04T10:32:00.000-04:002009-04-04T10:32:00.000-04:00Wow. That was one amazing, thought-provoking post....Wow. That was one amazing, thought-provoking post. Thank you. I have hours upon hours of housework to take care of today (my basement flooded last night, of course that's nothing major, but lots of cleanup)...so I mean this sincerely, you've given me much to think about as I go through my day, and I appreciate it. As I read, I just found myself shaking my head in amazement (the good kind) and agreement. You are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so honestly.<BR/><BR/>I found you through OM's blog. I couldn't resist stopping by your blog when I read your last comment to her. It made me smile..."weird cousin". :)Snarky Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17893940815826970998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-56234551603959890552009-04-03T19:12:00.000-04:002009-04-03T19:12:00.000-04:00Bizarrely, I never thought I'd mind much if the pl...Bizarrely, I never thought I'd mind much if the plane went down, because I only fly when I'm going to or from someplace I want to go. I always figured if it all ended that way, I'd be in a pretty good mood when I went. It's the other people on the plane that I worry about, on the assumption that they do not share the idea that this would be an OK way to go.<BR/><BR/>Much more to say about the 4 Reminders, but I have to think it through first. Two contradictory thoughts are fighting it out in my head.Dani819https://www.blogger.com/profile/00620957484893505246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-24693347932741149712009-04-02T21:59:00.000-04:002009-04-02T21:59:00.000-04:00angie, a post like this makes me think i'm not cra...angie, a post like this makes me think i'm not crazy for believing we'd be friends even if we didn't share a common tragedy and timeline. i've never driven across a bridge without wondering what would happen if we went off the side, whether i could save myself and the people in the car with me. it's not a fear of death, more a desire to test myself or just curiosity. i guess it's a wierd tendency, but i tend to think that people who don't have these introspective thoughts/tendencies are the more self-involved. but clearly i am too. i have become so irritated with myself that i have become more afraid of death. is that just a natural tendency as we age?Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03425243574893835625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-1008848179283051252009-04-02T17:15:00.000-04:002009-04-02T17:15:00.000-04:00just for the record, i always make a mental note o...just for the record, i always make a mental note of all the kids on a plane, train or automobile so i can save them too. it is fucking twisted. powerful post, ang....you are magic.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-56397600750184108812009-04-02T13:34:00.000-04:002009-04-02T13:34:00.000-04:00beautiful and powerful angie. i've been thinking a...beautiful and powerful angie. i've been thinking along some similar lines lately...that i could die at any moment or my husband or anyone that i love. so how the hell do i plan for next week or next month or the summertime. i had made some tentative plans, believing i would be a mom with a baby and how my life would be. and now that's all gone to shit. so how do we live knowing we could die anytime? why work? why plan? it's kind of an existential crisis. i have lost my identity or who i thought i was and was going to be and now it's all nothingness. does that make any sense at all?alizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435679393472275569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-1941125028872589562009-04-02T08:39:00.000-04:002009-04-02T08:39:00.000-04:00So much here Angie. We all lived in that arrogance...So much here Angie. We all lived in that arrogance...that it would never happen to us. Hadn't quite thought of it all in this way, but from early on I've been convinced that Ezra has reframed the way I live life...I'm just still sorting out what that means...ezra'smommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17342399045659116165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-44931718423567554982009-04-02T04:30:00.000-04:002009-04-02T04:30:00.000-04:00I look for the exits too, Angie - only I've never ...I look for the exits too, Angie - only I've never wondered who I'd save ...Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-65084112077716691092009-04-01T23:57:00.000-04:002009-04-01T23:57:00.000-04:00First, thank you for commenting on my blog. I will...First, thank you for commenting on my blog. I will most definitely pick you in the first round draft for Trivial Pursuit. <BR/><BR/>Second, 'living like you are going to die' is profound and an excellent reminder. But, it's just so hard (insert whiny voice). <BR/><BR/>Third, what did you say to these people? Seriously. After I lost E, as I lie on the hospital bed, I remember yelling about people who want a specific baby -- as if they have the right to pick. I never desired a specific baby. I never cared whether my baby was a boy or a girl. And I certainly wouldn't have complained about one or the other. I felt cheated. I think I would have let that person have it. Maybe not. But, I certainly would have reminded them of losing my daughter and hope they could decode that message for themselves. <BR/><BR/>Peace.Mommy (You can call me OM)https://www.blogger.com/profile/07330090628350118582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-36655744263170581682009-04-01T20:56:00.000-04:002009-04-01T20:56:00.000-04:00There is so much in here I want to comment on, but...There is so much in here I want to comment on, but I think I'm going to sit on it for now. I think I'll have to come back for another read though. Needless to say, you are amazing Angie.<BR/>So glad I found you but of course still so sorry you are here.Hope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.com