tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post1303323601156335479..comments2024-02-11T03:39:05.836-05:00Comments on still life with circles: Ambivalencestill life angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150141781089602529noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-14754792864689188832009-09-20T18:16:52.135-04:002009-09-20T18:16:52.135-04:00i feel so much of what you write. i feel blessed t...i feel so much of what you write. i feel blessed to have so many people constantly checking in on me, but a lot of others I haven't heard from in months. I'm sure that i'll hear from them this week (or maybe not) b/c this week is going to be hard for us. excuse me- every freakin day this whole year has been hard, ugh. i accept all the love and light and thoughts and warmth, from everyone. but the ambivalence, yes, its there in full force.Lanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00963832673599410153noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-34939370103012302332009-09-18T01:14:57.226-04:002009-09-18T01:14:57.226-04:00angie,
i'm sending you so much love. you are s...angie,<br />i'm sending you so much love. you are such an honest beautiful mama.<br />xoxalizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435679393472275569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-76751107148798919212009-09-16T17:25:21.458-04:002009-09-16T17:25:21.458-04:00You do it every time, Angie. Hit the nail on the h...You do it every time, Angie. Hit the nail on the head yet again. I have been wanting to post on this exact topic of ambivalence and relationships for a while now, but have been too chickenshit because so many of my in real life friends read. Then I stop and think "but I don't care, maybe they need to hear the truth". But then I just can't be bothered all over again. Because I've never been clear on how I'd put it on to words anyway. But this - this is perfect. Maybe I'll have to direct a few of my friends here. I suspect when/if many read it though, they'd probably drift further out of my lives. And then I'm right back to not caring. It is sad and I don't necessarily like it, but it is what it is. They are sad they lost their old friend Sally. I am sad I lost my daughter. I win.<br />xoHope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-9312187593466188512009-09-16T16:44:10.030-04:002009-09-16T16:44:10.030-04:00That feeling of ambivalence is awful isn't it?...That feeling of ambivalence is awful isn't it? <br /><br />Sometimes I feel I as though I would be perfectly happy to exist solely inside my house, with my husband and my daughter and my memories of her twin, and never let anyone else in. <br /><br />But I don't really. Not really. I know there is a way. If I can relocate that trust, that . . hmmm . . . whatever the opposite of ambivalence is. Caring perhaps? Kindness? I'm not too sure.<br /><br />I hope that you can be a bit more easy on yourself about the eating now. I know that it can be a knotty old problem but you deserve a break for a bit. Just eat what you fancy for a little while perhaps?<br /><br />And you aren't insane. I think I am doing the same breathing exercises, just less eloquently. Here's to a quick dunk in light for all of us. xo<br /><br />And I wish, wish, wish I could somehow afford the air fare to meet all you East Coast mamas.Catherine Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01618295389400457254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-16496524491845524952009-09-16T14:35:27.416-04:002009-09-16T14:35:27.416-04:00Really beautiful post, Angie. I struggle with thi...Really beautiful post, Angie. I struggle with this, though I now feel comfortable having let some relationships go.<br /><br />Wish so much I could be out east with you all.<br /><br />xoPaigehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06345329799912987528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-66627415745080226522009-09-16T11:11:27.363-04:002009-09-16T11:11:27.363-04:00I so get this Angie.
And Maybe Babies (sorry I d...I so get this Angie. <br /><br />And Maybe Babies (sorry I don't know your name) - we received a similar note/invitation. I hid it away because of the immediate, intense physical reaction it generated...I just saw it again this morning and still, it just sent me into a spin.Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04324947171918038530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-13476422853864348032009-09-16T09:30:37.766-04:002009-09-16T09:30:37.766-04:00Wow, Angie. What an amazing post. I would love t...Wow, Angie. What an amazing post. I would love to quote so many things you said.... <br /><br />"your story and your emotions are gifts. You need to choose people who are worthy of receiving them." I feel so strongly about this too. There are people I just can't bring myself to deal with anymore. People who were close, who should have been there for me in my darkest days (no matter how hard it is on them). I am not at a place to forgive those people. I find them selfish and cowardly... even now, when there is an opportunity to approach me, to acknowledge our pain and our son, Nicholas... they don't. I don't have time for that. There are so many other people in our life who have been strong, been positive and just plain been there for us. I will take them any day. The others aren't worth my time.<br /><br />I am happy to hear that you are searching for and working towards a more positive, more lively Angie. From what we know, you are a beautiful, loving mother and person. I look forward to hearing/watching you grow.<br /><br />LLeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05569964047627902570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-76274127037825364582009-09-16T09:17:40.508-04:002009-09-16T09:17:40.508-04:00There is so much here, Angie. You know I struggle ...There is so much here, Angie. You know I struggle with body image/ eating issues/ general dislike for myself. It's hard work. I can't really say anything else.<br /><br />And I get what you're saying about ambivalence towards friends. I've let so many of my relationships drift, even the supportive ones. Constantly negotiating the space between ourselves and other people is a an arduous, lifeling endeavour.<br /><br />You don't seem crazy to me. You seem wonderful and thoughtful and I'm glad you're in my life. I wish I could come to the retreat so much.<br /><br />Love xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-73235565607709481672009-09-16T08:38:19.930-04:002009-09-16T08:38:19.930-04:00Yes. Angie. Everything you just said. Yes.
A not...Yes. Angie. Everything you just said. Yes. <br /><br />A note from the hospital last night inviting us to a walk to remember has thrown both M and I back to December 2008. And it is a dark, dark place. Just when I think we are emerging, breathing in the love, breathing out the hate, something like this punches us in the face (mid-inhale). <br /><br />My goal, each day, is to live without my daughters. And I sense that would be easier if I could move myself to the place where you are working hard to get yourself to. I am so proud of you for that momentum.mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07830332489753742950noreply@blogger.com