tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post2670880673462684434..comments2024-02-11T03:39:05.836-05:00Comments on still life with circles: A Chapter Closed.still life angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150141781089602529noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-5366231840715339102009-04-08T10:52:00.000-04:002009-04-08T10:52:00.000-04:00I am glad you are feeling lighter after this meeti...I am glad you are feeling lighter after this meeting. It wasn't your fault, yet your thoughts are so normal. I thought that my daughter died because that day I had a 2nd cup of coffee. Or maybe it was all the sugar I ate when I had 2 pieces of baby cake at my work shower that day. They are irrational thoughts to everyone else, but they still occur. <BR/><BR/>I am wondering if we go to the same MFM group (I delivered downtown at the hospital at 8th and Spruce). In the event we do, I just want to tell you that they were wonderful with me during my subsequent pregnancy. They listened to my fears and "humored" me with extra testing. I know it's scary to think about doing it again, but in case you decide to, they were wonderful to work with. <BR/><BR/>Oh, and it's not your fault. I know it's easy for me to say, and it's sometimes very hard to believe when it comes to our own bodies.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-68813261538087107402009-04-01T15:32:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:32:00.000-04:00I'm glad a weight was lifted. I wanted an answer ...I'm glad a weight was lifted. I wanted an answer so, so badly, even if WAS my fault, just so I could do something different, just so i could know. Not knowing what turned Maddy's brain into liquid goo keeps me up at night. If someone told me it was something I ate, I'd probably kiss them.<BR/> <BR/>No answers for me are just the worst.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-42033799265076154242009-03-26T20:54:00.000-04:002009-03-26T20:54:00.000-04:00All I can send you is my love Angie.All I can send you is my love Angie.Carly Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14586501928364642712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-45459124592201407072009-03-26T02:38:00.000-04:002009-03-26T02:38:00.000-04:00sometimes i still think maybe lev died because i a...sometimes i still think maybe lev died because i ate too much ice-cream...it's so hard when we have no conclusive reason or answer and anything is possible. i'm glad that the dr. said reaffirmed that you are healthy. i'm still having a hard time believing that. i thought i was so healthy, eating so well, being so careful. but now i doubt everything b/c my so called healthy body wasn't able to create a living child.alizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435679393472275569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-69756304002184991282009-03-25T22:05:00.000-04:002009-03-25T22:05:00.000-04:00I still don't have a real answer, which leaves roo...I still don't have a real answer, which leaves room for all the guilt in my brain- I was stressed. I didn't eat beautifully. I worked too late. You have never seen someone as happy to have a potential clotting disorder as I was when I found out that that was a possibility. I am slowly coming to understand that "my fault" and "not my fault" are not meaningful categories here- it's all just filed under "things that suck and never should have happened."Dani819https://www.blogger.com/profile/00620957484893505246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-18270665590189025322009-03-25T11:18:00.000-04:002009-03-25T11:18:00.000-04:00Ahh.. the inevitable, self-destructive feeling of ...Ahh.. the inevitable, self-destructive feeling of guilt. I carry it everywhere. Guilt that my body let Nicholas down, guilt that I let my two other boys down by not bringing their brother home.... the list goes on and on. Although the feelings aren't "rational" I think that they are perfectly natural. Just know that you did absolutely nothing wrong. Precious Lucy was too beautiful for this earth.... as much as that sucks!<BR/><BR/>Love to youLeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05569964047627902570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-90828018330307580462009-03-25T10:23:00.000-04:002009-03-25T10:23:00.000-04:00Even with an answer, I still blame myself. It real...Even with an answer, I still blame myself. It really bothers me there is not much research being done on the cause of stillbirths and what can be done to prevent them. More needs to be done.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-78751302405934609602009-03-25T09:56:00.000-04:002009-03-25T09:56:00.000-04:00I love the picture of you with your arms wrapped a...I love the picture of you with your arms wrapped around your gorgeous, pregnant belly and *THAT* is the image I have of you - and each of us. We loved, we protected, we nurtured - and in the end we were cruelly denied the opportunity to continue that for a lifetime ... and I get the frustration with naming a no reason. My daughter's cause of death was "hypoxia". She's dead because she wasn't breathing ... that's not a diagnosis, it's a description.Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-5502048931686011972009-03-25T07:55:00.000-04:002009-03-25T07:55:00.000-04:00Rationally, I knew it wasn't my fault, but when sh...Rationally, I knew it wasn't my fault, but when she died on my watch, in my belly, I guess part of me thought, "How could it not be my fault?" But I now feel released from these chains that I didn't know were holding me. I suppose I needed empirical evidence to tell me that it wasn't my fault to truly believe it.still life angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15150141781089602529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-23107802472579271002009-03-25T07:42:00.000-04:002009-03-25T07:42:00.000-04:00oh angie, i battle the feelings of guilt and failu...oh angie, i battle the feelings of guilt and failure too, all the reassurances in the world won't ever rid me of those feelings completely. You will come to acceptance eventually, but do be patient with yourself, this is one hell of a journey.ezra'smommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17342399045659116165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-28066953382814060722009-03-25T07:11:00.000-04:002009-03-25T07:11:00.000-04:00I get that too, that if an adult just "drops dead"...I get that too, that if an adult just "drops dead" a lot of people ask a lot of questions. But if an unborn baby just drops dead inside us, we get - better luck next time. So what, they never drew breath, they don't count. I got answers for Hope's death. But ultimately I hated those answers. Because they just showed me, how very preventable her death was.<BR/>It was not your fault Angie. You just got unlucky, like we all did.Hope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.com