tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post8968779796907753036..comments2024-02-11T03:39:05.836-05:00Comments on still life with circles: The invisible woman and her rockstill life angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15150141781089602529noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-22028156833893049722010-05-03T05:20:38.646-04:002010-05-03T05:20:38.646-04:00sheesh, that woman going on about "stop at tw...sheesh, that woman going on about "stop at two?" what the hell WAS that?! you tried to give her a free lesson on not being so clueless, and she still didnt learn. for crying outloud. literally.<br /><br />"And I search behind their warm, open faces for the women ignoring me, squeezing their husbands hands a little tighter, holding their breath until I pass. Those are my people, even if they want nothing to do with me. I just want to cry with them and stop talking about this nonsense. I want my arm to gesture over Thor and Beezus and say, "This is not my whole story." I have never wanted a "My baby died" t-shirt more than now. "<br /><br />...quite possibly the most heartfelt paragraph I have ever read in my life... I will think of this ALL the time now... as I still walk around, grasping my husband's hand, childless.. for all the moms I "ignore" and walk quickly past, I will wonder if they lost a baby before the one in its stroller making my heart weep... or if it's only me.<br /><br />and in the future (pretty, pretty please), when I walk with my own baby, I will be looking for those heartbroken childless moms, trying to ignore me..<br /><br />those t-shirts only come in black, right?Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05007474885671559328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-9495258657355784552010-04-26T18:14:57.425-04:002010-04-26T18:14:57.425-04:00Invisible.....Invisible as a grieving mother and i...Invisible.....Invisible as a grieving mother and invisible as a mother of three. Losing Laura has not only negated all my experience of mothering and birthing her, but seems to have negated my experience as a mother of three living children too. It has all been swallowed up. Thank you for naming it so clearly.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-44644534433626003242010-04-26T16:14:22.538-04:002010-04-26T16:14:22.538-04:00dearest angie,
sorry i've been out of touch. i...dearest angie,<br />sorry i've been out of touch. it's good to read your truth, to hear you and be with you on this journey. <br />just sending you love.<br />xoxalizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09435679393472275569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-24811854935370060972010-04-25T21:13:17.804-04:002010-04-25T21:13:17.804-04:00Such a beautiful, true post, Angie. I loved it.
Ho...Such a beautiful, true post, Angie. I loved it.<br />How perfect, grief is my lens too. Indeed I am neither here nor there, you've said everything perfectly for me, found words and expressions for me, drew the curtains back for me.<br />Thank you, and I am sorry about the supermarket experience, I wish some people know when to shut up. xoxojanishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14326099151319592743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-58993953948896106002010-04-25T07:26:24.788-04:002010-04-25T07:26:24.788-04:00I followed a link and found you. You write so beau...I followed a link and found you. You write so beautifully.<br /><br />My little boy was born on the 2nd April this year - and died on the 13th.<br /><br />Thank you for your words, they give me some hope. Enjoy your darling boy and your darling big girl and may you have some peace from the hurt.Merryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338478486624362745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-52656889083386313572010-04-22T14:29:13.984-04:002010-04-22T14:29:13.984-04:00Thank you for staying. Everyone has to do what fee...Thank you for staying. Everyone has to do what feels right for them, so I don't want anyone to feel bad, but I am feeling a little lost with the holes in my reader. When I came into this sad and tragic world only 3 short/long months ago, several of the people that helped me the most were already pregnant. A couple of them have since stopped blogging and I worry that I would be expected to do the same. I am also bereft of their wisdom and companionship. <br /><br />Like yours, my blog is not just for my dead son. It is for me to heal and that process will continue whether or not I get my second living child. I need the voices of those who have gone before, they help hold me together. So thank you.biojenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502436465193662273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-16860164042837175292010-04-19T23:41:13.152-04:002010-04-19T23:41:13.152-04:00I am so glad that you are continuing. I have wond...I am so glad that you are continuing. I have wondered what your path would be- I cannot imagine mine without having your amazing words to read-thank you<br />peace,<br />sleesara leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15545081788713933870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-58419109527366015222010-04-19T22:42:50.701-04:002010-04-19T22:42:50.701-04:00One of (the many) things I hate about babyloss is ...One of (the many) things I hate about babyloss is that it's all about me. It seems so counter to parenting for it to be that way but it's basically inevitable. Even though I haven't yet gotten pregnant again, people still expect me to have moved on and to be "better", over it. Ugh...<br /><br />I'm so glad you're still writing Angie. And I'm so glad that Thor is here too and part of your family. He got so lucky to get you guys as his family.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03425243574893835625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-67173657447935672682010-04-19T15:39:51.502-04:002010-04-19T15:39:51.502-04:00I feel like my blog is my space too, not William&#...I feel like my blog is my space too, not William's really. He is gone and I am still here struggling through it all.<br /><br />I just want to punch the woman in the grocery store, is that bad? Or just always shop for groceries online because I hate grocery stores and the incessant need people have to talk to me there.<br /><br />So glad you are sticking around in blogland.G$https://www.blogger.com/profile/05010373805685335151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-84205937310058551112010-04-19T13:50:20.549-04:002010-04-19T13:50:20.549-04:00I'm glad you're staying too b/c I just lik...I'm glad you're staying too b/c I just like your writing so damned much. xoMoniquehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04188684792415196300noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-78829914994932193142010-04-19T08:48:01.993-04:002010-04-19T08:48:01.993-04:00I understand that sudden shift to invisibility. I ...I understand that sudden shift to invisibility. I can remember being in support group, & saying that when I (finally) got pregnant, I felt like I was (finally) "one of the girls," a member of this exclusive society I had wanted to join for so long. My facilitator nodded sympathetically & said, "And then you got kicked out of the club." Bingo!! <br /><br />You write so beautifully, Angie. I am glad you are maintaining your blog. I started mine years after my loss & our decision to remain childless, but even now, I still feel like I have lots of things I need to get off my chest.loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-36168853629662288782010-04-19T06:57:18.323-04:002010-04-19T06:57:18.323-04:00"Grief is my lens. I see the world in terms o..."Grief is my lens. I see the world in terms of suffering, of struggles between life and death and coming to terms with our own mortality through the mortality of those we love."<br /><br />I couldn't agree more. Love you Angie, just as you are.ezra'smommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17342399045659116165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-88112390009471336212010-04-19T04:57:28.191-04:002010-04-19T04:57:28.191-04:00PERFECT post. I hear you - and I'm glad you...PERFECT post. I hear you - and I'm glad you're not stopping. We need more posts about gnomes ... and about your three beautiful children too.<br /><br />"I am not raw but I am not healed" - that is exactly how I feel too.<br /><br />Thank you Angie.Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-88221107634207664992010-04-19T03:10:25.266-04:002010-04-19T03:10:25.266-04:00Admittedly, I held my breath when I started readin...Admittedly, I held my breath when I started reading this post. I was somehow afraid you might stop writing too. But as long as there's ladies in the supermarket, there will be stuff to write about... I'll always be here to read about you and your family of 5.<br /><br />I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to suddenly be seen "healed" (by the public) just because you have Thor by your side. That would piss me off to no end...<br /><br />All the best to you! xoxoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-6535269923406445312010-04-19T01:29:38.473-04:002010-04-19T01:29:38.473-04:00This is an amazing post, thank you for writing it....This is an amazing post, thank you for writing it. I am fairly early in my journey as well and I am so happy to be able to read blogs about people in different stages in their grief. Congrats on your little guy!Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03960284624015467516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-27327718269071305162010-04-19T00:48:49.949-04:002010-04-19T00:48:49.949-04:00Angie as usual your breathtaking post packs a punc...Angie as usual your breathtaking post packs a punch. I have not lost a child.. I have not had a child... just dreams and a positive pregnancy test once upon a time.I read on though, because you, your words, they reach me and they make sense for me. I am in awe of your ability to fearlessly write every nuance of your experience.Your description of your blog as family space touched a chord for me. For the infertiles amongst us, chitter chatter is a veiled barb, like a snake waiting to strike and to expose the pain. I relate and I listen, to the emotions. Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-87359433773881807172010-04-18T22:52:55.723-04:002010-04-18T22:52:55.723-04:00you always say things so well Angie.. we will alw...you always say things so well Angie.. we will always ache for our missing babies.Shannon Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03288990166879426608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-30327617522877119742010-04-18T21:58:07.468-04:002010-04-18T21:58:07.468-04:00I'm glad you will continue to share. You write...I'm glad you will continue to share. You write beautifully and this grief will never be gone, so this space is yours to use! :) People in real life like to think things are so perfect just from what they see, if they only knew... XOMaggiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13339073098081631983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-19709921789974720092010-04-18T21:32:09.270-04:002010-04-18T21:32:09.270-04:00Oh Angie... I LOVE this one! You have no idea ho...Oh Angie... I LOVE this one! You have no idea how many times I've heard the "you have a boy & a girl, RICH MAN'S FAMILY... THE AMERICA'S DREAM" - They made me sick! I wanted to tell every one of them that I have 2 boys and a girl, one died and and I really doubt that's anyone's dream!<br /><br />Almost 6 years later, "I'm not raw nor healed"... I'll never be healed... I can have 19 more kids and they'll never replace Alex...<br /><br />I feel for you. <br /><br />Much Love,<br />Mimluke515https://www.blogger.com/profile/17208042917503238673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-60355301816091960872010-04-18T21:24:42.289-04:002010-04-18T21:24:42.289-04:00So true. We need to keep writing. At least I do. I...So true. We need to keep writing. At least I do. I don't write as often and the thoughts are sometimes harder to crystallize so a post that maybe would have come in a few minutes now takes me days and days to release. I have so many posts still in the editing phase....sighs.<br />But, I think to just close up after the birth of a rainbow does sort of imply that having the baby after makes everything all better and that the grief just goes away. I think it is just another part of the journey and that sometimes, the grief gets even harder as you realize, finally, it really will be with you forFUCKINGever.<br /> <br />I am glad you will keep writing. I love reading your words, hearing your thoughts. Yours is a voice worth listening to, absolutlely.<br />xxook@laklyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-45804393311988801172010-04-18T21:17:25.519-04:002010-04-18T21:17:25.519-04:00I see you, Angie. And I see Lucy, too, even thoug...I see you, Angie. And I see Lucy, too, even though she's not in the back of the car with Beezus and Thor where she should be when people stop by to poke their heads in and piss you off. The joy, the anger, the wonder and the sorrow of it all- all part of the gorgeousness and amazingness that is you, and I would never want to not know any part of that. <br /><br />Wish I could make the boulder lighter. But I will never pretend that it's not there. Love you.Dani819https://www.blogger.com/profile/00620957484893505246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-84480358902171966052010-04-18T21:16:09.556-04:002010-04-18T21:16:09.556-04:00littleharves states it much better than I can, so ...littleharves states it much better than I can, so I will just say, "ditto" to what she said. I'm glad you will continue sharing your life...all parts of it.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09811996974976569965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-55127836799089846052010-04-18T21:07:24.206-04:002010-04-18T21:07:24.206-04:00Thank you for staying. I, too, am the new girl in ...Thank you for staying. I, too, am the new girl in town. Reading stories of people who've lived through this horrible nightmare help me tremendously. <br /><br />It's sad and scary and vomitrocious to read stories shockingly similar to mine. But it's a comfort to see what paths people take, how life moves forward in spite of us all.<br /><br />I am learning to make this a part of my life, within my blog and without. No matter where my path goes, Calla will be here--same as my living son, my husband, and, yes, the dog, too.<br /><br />You wrote this so perfectly--thank you for sharing.<br /><br />Oh, and the lady in the grocery store--I'm sure she's aggravating people with that foot hanging out of her mouth all over town. Sometimes it would be easier to lose all composure and just scream "SHUT UP!!!" at the top of your lungs. Stupid manners.Mary Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12212750107782259674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-55223597520005339132010-04-18T20:11:55.988-04:002010-04-18T20:11:55.988-04:00I'm glad you aren't closing down. Posts l...I'm glad you aren't closing down. Posts like this make me catch my breath and then come back to read them again so I can fully absorb the beauty of your words.HereWeGoAJenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17457680345376171720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8013443217504323406.post-67272862268871042922010-04-18T20:03:42.689-04:002010-04-18T20:03:42.689-04:00I am so afraid that -- if this works out -- the pe...I am so afraid that -- if this works out -- the people who want us to better, will now proclaim us as such, and the people who are longing to rid of this black spot they see hovering over us and their relationship with us will use this as their excuse to finally sweep Maddy under the rug. (If it doesn't work, i'm hoping they simply cut us loose as crazy lunatics who played roulette. I will take that as a silver lining.) Not only will my invisibility finally feel invisible, but I loathe the day my invisible daughter becomes invisible, too. If nothing else this pregnancy has finally freed my tongue to say "three" here, there, and everywhere and I hope that continues.<br /><br />I'll certainly come here to read about Lucy and the rest of her family just as much as you care to write about her and it and everything.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.com