about this blog.

still life with circles is the space I created to write, talk, and art about grief and daughter-death. My second daughter Lucia was stillborn at 38 weeks. They never found a reason. She was perfectly healthy, just dead. I started this blog in February 2009, two months after her death to make sense of it all, and to write about mothering and grieving at the same time.

I named it still life with circles, because not long after my daughter died, flailing and confused, I decided to make a schedule for our life, so that I would know what to do every moment of every day. In that schedule, I wrote 12p-1p: Art Hour. That note changed my life. I began painting with a How To Do Watercolor book, and quickly moved into painting still life to painting about my grief. My daughter and I created a piece, a still life painted by me, with circles all over painted by her during one of our first sessions. And when I reflected on that painting, I realized that what was my life was now--a still life with a bunch of grief circles. Even though she was dead, I was still alive. Even though I was still, my insides were whirling and dizzy. Even though my daughter was stillborn, I was still life. And I'm still here, the Stretchmark-bellied Flummox, the Whirling Dervish of Bloggery.

Now, I don't write about grief every post, and I am working on a novel besides, so I am trying not to distract myself with the instant writing gratification of blogging. In early 2011, I also quit drinking. I write about my sobriety and the challenges of that on this blog. Also, about my spirituality, art, searching, longing, mystical shit, being a first generation American, reading tarot and psychic experiences, artwork, how a former barista champion ends up writing a blog from the suburbs of Philly, Buddhism and ancient Greek religion, mythology, being an identical twin, being married to someone of another political party, and also of course, about grief and longing.

So, I am writing about other things, sometimes grief (mostly not, though). I hope you join me.

This blog was chosen as one of the fifty Must Read Mom Blogs by Parenting and BlogHer--and I am very very honored.