Monday, January 14, 2013

lucia paz

I put her name into the search bar in Etsy, in Pinterest, in Google.

Lucia.

And pictures of a girl with long blonde braids, candles crowning her head, standing in the snowy night. Islands, and saints. Eyes on platters and virgins defiled. I get more specific.

Lucia Paz.

There are 13,200,000 results. People all over the world named the same as my dead daughter. She has two twitter accounts, a sex tape, and a Facebook. She's even on My Space. I click You Tube, and suddenly, I float in space. Mesmerized. Awe-stricken. This beautiful, otherworldly dance for a grieving mother. I, Orpheus, watch her floating in something I cannot describe, but I think it the inside of me. I gape at her beauty, her grace, the way this Lucia Paz captures something of my Lucia Paz. It is crazy, yes, but still, I cannot stop watching, tearing up, pushing my jaw closed. I don't know what I expected to find of my daughter on the internet, a website thanking me for searching for her, perhaps, another one reminding me that she is dead, but I found Lucia Paz, the beautiful Argentinian artist, on a Monday's mourning, and she opened something long closed in me.


15 comments:

  1. Wow... so powerful. Thank you for sharing this Angie. Just magical x

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  2. That is so incredibly moving and gorgeous...I can not stop watching it.

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  3. Oh, Angie. It's like a beautiful, magical, mesmerising womb dance. I can see why you would tear up, and push your jaw closed. Yes. Thankyou for sharing. There is beauty in the world!

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  4. It's really lovely. Very peaceful <3

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  5. This is so beautiful.

    I have lurked here for ages- my daughter passed shortly after birth two years ago and I found you then.

    Her name is Beatrix.... and I always enjoy your Beezus stories for (I think) the same reason you love this.

    I can imagine my girl deep and wide eyed, questioning.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  6. Mesmerising, so beautiful. I can completely understand your reaction to finding this. I'm so relieved also to find I'm not the only one who types her daughters name into search bars. x

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  7. So beautiful. I would watch it over and over.
    I too type camille's name into google, etsy, Facebook. Searching for a face, eyes other people carry life in the form of her name. I'm glad you found something so artful and serene.

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  8. This is stunning. And almost exactly what you were looking for I'm sure. Almost.
    xxxx Lucia Paz xxxx

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  9. I loved this. The peaceful beauty and magic. So lovely. My heart broke open with this too. I'm so glad you found this. Love.

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  10. This brought me chills and tears and a sense of calm all at the same time.

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  11. I am speechless... this is as beautiful and haunting. wow...

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  12. So beautiful. Chills & tears from me too. I have never googled my daughter's name - Margaret Joy. I'm sure there are thousands and thousands of them, but none of them would be mine.

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  13. What a wonderful idea. Your search turned up a beautiful result. Thank you for sharing.

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