I fucking hate Little Bear.
For those of you not in the know, it is a preschool show. Maurice Sendak of the Where the Wild Things Are is somehow involved. Due to some evil harpy deciding it should replace Maggie and the Ferocious Beast, it is now on during that half hour when I clean the kitchen and Bea is allowed to watch television. Let me say, it is a fine show. Benign, generally. Annoying, but fine.
This is what I hear today in little cartoon-y voices.
"Lucy is dead."
"Isn't she a doll?"
"No, she is just dead and we have to bury her."
How many times can a preschool show say the sentence Lucy is dead?
Apparently, quite a fucking few. I asked Beatrice to turn the damned television, and she declared that she was in the middle of the show, and it is her "only television time." Her voice was breaking up.
It was sad all around.
The thing about this fucking stupid evil show is that they go around searching for a box, and have a funeral, and try to bury her, then the silly evil girl, who declared the doll Lucy dead, suddenly decides "Lucy was just pretending to be dead."
Mother. Of. Pearl.
This is the thing about living without your baby. No matter how many good days you have, you still will have a bad one. Even if your day starts out beautifully, a sentence on a fucking children's show can knock the piss out of you. For hours. Tears may be running down your face before you register crying.
PS. I googled Little Bear and "Lucy is dead" because it is my nature to hunt the things that hurt my soul and this brilliant post on a site called the Creepiest Children's Shows came up. I totally agree with the writer. Maybe it is important to talk about death for preschoolers. I wish they hadn't used my actual dead daughter's name, but you know...but bringing her back to life is fucking confusing.