My status updates

"Angie is sorry she hasn't called you back, but her baby died five months ago and she just doesn't feel like it."

This would be my status update today on Facebook if I cared about being honest. Since reading Molly's post a few weeks ago about honest status updates, I am constantly writing them in my head, like little captions in my life, especially when I drive.

"Angie thinks that people who drive recklessly never had their child die."

I have fantasies of raw, snarky, blunt horrible little things I would write on my status updates. Maybe I just like writing in the third person, it makes me feel less emo.

"Angie hates your little green plant and doesn't think it does shit for the rainforest."

Still, this isn't really about Facebook. I have begun hearing the whispers that my lack of returned calls and small talk is bugging people who rarely called in the first place. I have the conflicting impulses to both cut all these people out of my life, and also leave a window open to possibly have friendships with not very compassionate people when the grief is less raw. I had friendships with not so compassionate people before, maybe I will again. But will I ever forget who said what?

"Angie thinks you should appreciate your fucking morning sickness."

Sometimes I annoy myself with all this complaining about other people stuff. I have some amazing friends. I do. Some of those amazing friends have sent me only a couple of emails, or called a few times, and that is all they need to do. Support is not quantifiable. I know they love me. I know I can call, no matter what, and they will be there, even if we talked twice since Lucy died. I love those people. I hope they know who they are.

"Angie had decided the day of reckoning is here. Let's see who stands tomorrow, you heartless bastards."

And I go through my friend list, and erase any and everyone who couldn't even muster a bloody lameass 'I'm sorry' via email, wall post, text message, smoke signal...come on, people. I am not expecting the full gamut of dinner/wine/babysitting/memory necklace. Just some human freaking decency to say "It must have sucked to have your baby die, even if I am a boy/don't have a baby." But to be honest, I suspect I might have 1% of the friends. I also think defriending is more trouble than it is worth. So, instead, I am taking the coward's way out and blogging about it. I'm feeling feisty today.

"Angie wishes it were socially acceptable to have a Bourbon Holiday some days."