Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fortune telling

Did you know that you can buy a psychic reading on Etsy?

During one of my bored rambling search journeys through Etsy, I found one. You can buy a psychic reading here? Woah. I did a more extensive search. You know, losing your baby, visiting the abyss, trying to conceive again, figuring out your future, fearing your living child's well being at every turn, well, sometimes you just want an impossible answer to a questions you dare not speak aloud.

When I was a child, my mother used to tell me about a psychic my parents saw before she got pregnant with us. My parents attended a party where this psychic was invited to give readings. (It was the 70s, and my parents named me after a Rolling Stones song, so you do the math.) My mother spoke with both reverence and fear for this psychic. According to my mother, this women told my mother everything that was to pass in her life. About my father. About us. About her. Later, after my parents divorced, she found this woman again, and she was still giving readings. She made an appointment for her, my sister and I. My experience with this woman at age 20 made me believe that some people have gifts that are not explainable. I still shiver to think of all the spot on things she said to me about my past, my present, and yes, even my future.

Many years later, I tried to find her again. Driving aimlessly through a town I dimly knew, I recognized an overpass, an oak tree, the scribbled address I wrote on the back of an envelope. A sign was posted on the front door.

"The fortune teller does not live here anymore."

:::

I am a rational person. I am. And yet, the impulse to have my future told to me is too alluring. To be fair, there were some aspects that were about the future. "You will have another child who will bring great joy." I think I got that in a fortune cookie once.

But my Etsy psychic experience was interesting, not because of what my future holds according to a complete stranger who sent me an email after I paid them ten bucks, but because of what the psychic is allowed to say to the grieving mother. The tarot reader said things that no one else in my life would dare say.

"The Past card for you, the ten of Cups reversed, shows that you thought you were bringing forth the perfect family situation and it failed to materialize. This has set you in this place of stasis, but you must move on. It’s not safe to stay here; your power is draining away and soon you will be overwhelmed."

It's true, but damn, lady.

:::

I turned to Sam after reading the psychic lady's email and said, "Is this comforting to you? This tarot reader said that Lucy was at the end of her lives. She was reaching enlightenment, but she needed her last life to be in me. That her life in a womb was an important experience that she needed to have. The closeness, comfort, love and safety of being in my belly served to heal some of her old wounds and once that was done, she could be free. The psychic said she chose me for my love and because I was a good mother to her. She also said that I also benefited, though it may not seem so now. This experience has opened me up in ways I will need to access later in life. Do you find that comforting?"

"Yes. I do."

"Me too."

18 comments:

  1. Angie, I got chills reading that last paragraph. Lucy was an enlightened spirit. I,too, am comforted by hearing that, it makes so much sense to me.

    PS I have a friend IRL who was named after the same song ;-).

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chills too, Angie. But I don't ever want to see a psychic, because I figure I just don't want to know anymore. If it is bad news, I'd be ruined hearing it and if it was good news, I'd never believe it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. mmm, beautiful reading. i talk to psychics and intuitively pretty regularly and don't think you are nuts for wanting that kind of information. i think we can take that info however we need to for our own healing. it is just one perspective, and it can be nice to be shown things from a slightly different angle.

    i was told this about my daughter - that some souls come and just need to be cradled in the womb for a while in order to heal past wombs, in order to rest and feel unconditional love. then they slip out and go on to what is next. it is peaceful for the little souls--but so painful for the parents.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A flight attendant on the flight we took back to Australia last year to bury Kees, he said something like this to Craig. He said that in his religion, Hinduism, they believe that when a young baby dies or is stillborn that they have paid for all of their sins in their last reincarnation and that they only came into the world to fulfill the requirement to live before moving on. Craig was very comforted by that. I don't know what I think.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm very interested in the space psychics occupy. It seems to me that it's a great responsibility to try to interpret a person's future. Whether you believe in their gift or not, I think if it's comforting and meaningful to you then it should be respected.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've wanted to see a psychic so badly since Dresden died.. but I wanted a REAL one, ya know.. I wanted to walk in and they just know why i'm there, and no generic stuff. I can't believe you got that reading online Angie.. how interesting! I find that comforting too.. I wonder if all babies that die in this way have similar reasons? Now, someone is going to have to carry all of us in their wombs to heal our wounds from this life.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I remember your visit to that psychic, and incidentally, remember that witchy woman who came into Cupps? She read my Tarot cards once, and she was absolutely right then, and I was just thinking the other day how what she said is still right. And I, as you know, also consider myself a rational person. But what if? And why not?

    A beautiful meditation in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love that concept, a lot. It brings me comfort too.

    Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Angie, I want to leave my thoughts but instead I will send you an email x

    ReplyDelete
  10. "You know, losing your baby, visiting the abyss, trying to conceive again, figuring out your future, fearing your living child's well being at every turn, well, sometimes you just want an impossible answer to a questions you dare not speak aloud." -- sigh. Me too.
    I'm glad you found the part about Lucy comforting. Its profound, and though I don't personaly believe in other lives (being Christian and all) it would have given me comfort too...you know...just in case I'm wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I find that idea comforting too. I'm glad it comforted you.

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm glad it comforted you & Sam - welcome back, mon amie! xo

    ReplyDelete
  13. wow. thats all i have to say to this.

    i almost had a reading done the other day but didn't do it. i'm terrified and curious at the same time.

    i can't decide if i'm comforted by that thought or not. i want to be so badly. i'm so glad it did for you though. i'm going to ponder this for a while.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You know how I feel about psychics but, you also know i how I feel about your psychic...

    She is on to something...

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow, Angie. That is incredible. I think I'd be scared to know at this point, I can barely manage a question or two for the online Magic 8 ball. To have someone with real knowledge and intuition tell me of the future terrifies me, though I would like to hear an interpretation of what's happened in the past. This is new to me and very interesting...thanks for posting. xo

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's very interesting Angie. I actually saw a bit of my future today..
    I had no idea that they had psychics on etsy, that's wild!
    I'm glad she sent you some comfort.
    I'm glad you're back.
    Love Lindsay

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am thinking about that person who came to live in the old fortune teller's house. How many people came wanting to that door and turned back.

    Most days lately I feel like I'm on that side of the door. People come to me with simple questions, but in the midst of deep grief, I can't answer even the easiest one. Maybe it would help to put that sign on my door.

    One of the best things anyone wrote to me after the loss of my son was that I had been a good mother to him, when I was feeling like I never got the first chance to do so.

    With every word of written of yours here, it's so clear you were--ARE--exactly that for Lucy, a good, loving mother to her. Because we keep mothering, them, don't we?

    -C.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pretty incredible, Angie. I am constantly amazed at other people's perspectives. Sometimes you just need someone else to point your heart in a different direction to actually see things in another light. I am so glad that this reading brought you some comfort. And I do agree with one thing... you are an amazing mother and Lucia is lucky to have you.

    ReplyDelete

What do you think?