Thursday, July 26, 2012

kindness day

The yoga was amazing in its ordinariness. I didn't cry. I didn't fall on the floor in a puddle, or talk about Lucia incessantly, or lash out in anger at all of yoginis. I just took the effin' class and it was lovely. It was very gentle, so I also felt fit enough for it, which was a bonus. The instructor never said the word grief, which felt odd for a class with the title Grief and Healing through Yoga, but you know, I liked what she had to say. She said we live in the negative programming of the story line. If we can be curious and feel it, it will change the grief. I liked that. It reminded me of that discussion on self-compassion I heard a few months ago.

She said the word heal and I didn't cringe or grow hot with anger. Heal. It feels okay to sit cross-legged with the concept of healing. I went back to another class on Wednesday. I didn't want to break the momentum and it was lovely. Grateful to this community for the love and support, and just the general acceptance at anything that troubles us. You are just there abiding, supporting, encouraging. Thank you.

Tomorrow is the MISS Foundation's Kindness Project Day. The idea of the day is to do something kind for someone in your baby's name as a way to carry his or her legacy. (Go visit the website to print out cards to leave at the scene of the kindness, and also RSVP on Facebook, if you can. These kindnesses are beautiful to read about.) Last year, I painted 4" x 6" mizuko jizo altar paintings for anyone who asked for one.

I think I did about 28. I am doing that again this year. You can comment on this post to request one, or on my Etsy shop's FB page (you can just become a fan), or on my personal FB page, or just shoot me an email at uberangie(at)gmail(dot)com. Just make sure you say something like, "I would like a painting in honor of my baby."* If you leave the baby's name, I am doing a crystal blessing grid in honor of all the babies I am painting for this year. Kicking off the day with a ritual in honor of grieving parents, then a tonglen meditation during which I will paint in silent meditation. I am also cutting off all email, phone and technology for the day. I am going to try to do a day of silent meditation and fasting this year. This is an exercise I have never tried and I am going to be in my house, so with babies and husband, it might not succeed. I think it is important, though. I will be painting on Saturday, July 28, in case you are trying to reach me, or trying to play Draw Something.

I have an idea of how many paintings I can handle, so I might close down these comments if it is too overwhelming. But for now, you can request one. You also need to send me your address, obviously, if I do not have it already.

Here is the listing  for a mizuko jizo painting from my Etsy site. I usually sell them for $25/painting, so I am including shipping, and a description of mizuko jizo. The first time I wrote about mizuko jizo was 2009 when I began painting them as part of my daily remembrance ritual for Lucia. It now comes up on the third listing for mizuko jizo on Google. That is amazing to me. I connected with so many women and men with my mizuko kuyo. It is humbling and amazing. I know that this life I live now, surrounded by meditation and healing is the life I was meant to live. Beyond giving me a place to direct my grief energy, painting mizuko jizo has become a way for me to honor all the suffering in this community and all the babies I now mourn.

I will probably write a bunch of overwrought posts about my experience, but until then, much love to you all. xo

*If you have one, you can still request another. Just know that.


  1. I shouldn't be, but I'm reading this at work and followed the link to your original mizoku jizo post, and it moved me to tears.

    I would be honored to have a painting in memory of my twins, Aliya Amy and Bennett Paul. <3

  2. Oh Angie,
    You are a beautiful soul.
    I would be honored to have a painting of yours. I have been looking for steps to heal, and with tomorrow being his 5 month anniversary, I think it is time for me to ease into memorializing my Alexander David.
    I will email you

  3. You're a wonderful woman, Angie.

  4. My daughter's due date is tomorrow. She should have been here by now, anyway, but... she isn't.
    I'm also covering our pediatric ward tomorrow, full of tiny babies... Just thinking about that makes me cringe.

    So maybe, please, you could paint one for my Mary, too, although we live far, far away...?

    Thank you. You are amazing. (I'll send you an email.)

  5. Thank you all for allowing me to honor your babies and my baby on Kindness Day. I will take pictures of my studio, the work, the way your babies are honored all together tomorrow in the healing grid I'm putting together, and the paintings that I do. I plan to be in silent meditation through these sessions. I love the way my studio looks during these mizuko jizo painting sessions. I am logging off tonight and won't be back on the computer, phone, or email until Sunday. All requests for Kindness Day paintings are closed. You can always order jizo paintings at my Etsy shop or privately through me. Thank you for understanding.