Silas Orion

I remember where I was when I first read the birth story of Silas Orion. My husband and I cuddled together on our couch, lit by the glow of the computer screen and Lucy's candle, reading and crying. Silas...of the trees. Orion...of the stars. I just loved the image of Silas amongst the trees and in the stars. Both of this earth and of the sky. Both of the day and the night. But this idea of the trees...I glanced over to my left, hanging in my sitting area was a linoleum block print I made a long time ago. I have never titled it, though I wrote on the folder with its sketches, Of the forest. And I thought maybe I should change this to Of the trees, or simply just Silas. Maybe this piece should be for him, because since I read his story, I would glance at that print and think of him.

Still, despite how fortunate I feel to know beautiful Silas through his parents, I wish I didn't. I wish life were different and we met through coffee, or yoga or some strange beautiful circumstances that brought us together with our babies. No matter how much I will it, I cannot change this year. And so I will simply remain grateful for what Chris and Lani have given me this last year. Lani's energy and love, beauty and honesty, moves me and gives me strength. Chris' voice in this community is so very needed. My husband reads his words, and nods, and says, "Yeah, honey, that." And for some weeks, that was all we could do. Use Chris' words to understand each other. Use Chris' experience, grief and pain to start a conversation for which we couldn't find the words. This is the heart of compassion, Chris and Lani, to use your suffering to ease the suffering of others. Silas is incredibly lucky to have both of you as parents.

And so, this day, Silas' birthday, which is all tied up with New Year, makes me pause, stare at Silas' print, and imagine what this first year of Silas was like for Chris and Lani. I shed a tear. Light a candle. Hold you both tightly in my heart today and send my love into the universe for a different kind of second year of Silas.