Saturday, April 18, 2009

A Maybe Break

I think I may need a break here.

I am trying very hard to do what I need for myself. This community has been so loving and so accepting. I thought I could protect myself by being honest with my needs. As I muddle through this very swirling time, I am awkward. I am confused. I chose to stop following a blog that seemed to be about something other than babyloss, though ostensibly it is the undercurrent. I actually wasn't trying to deny that. The nasty comments following me since I decided to do that has shaken me, hurt my feelings, and I am physically trembling as I type this. So sorry. If you knew how gentle I was, then maybe you would know it wasn't personal. I guess I am finding that like life, this community is made up of all different kinds of people, some kinder than others. Some unwilling to use another grieving mother's blog to attack someone with a different set of needs than their own. To set the record straight, I have never or will never say whose pain is or is not valid. Not if you have been dealing with a loss of ten weeks, or a loss at 40 weeks, or if it was two weeks ago, or two years, or two decades. I think suffering is suffering is suffering. Period. If you have read my writing, then you already know that.

I needed this process. I needed this safe place to write and explore my grief, but it doesn't feel safe right now. Thanks for attacking me less than four months after my daughter died to prove you are suffering. Stay classy.


  1. Oh, geez. Angie, you are not alone. I encountered some crap just a few weeks into my grief after losing E. I've never blogged about it and I doubt I ever will. Now that I typed that, I suppose that could appear to be a judgment about you because you merely mentioned the nasty crap you endured. I don't mean that at all. I am glad you shared with us that you've been attacked, that it hurt, and that you don't feel safe here. I never realized what a treacherous land mine blogging can be. It's difficult to fully express oneself without feeling the need to look over one's shoulder. I'm thinking about you right now and hoping you find some peace. I want you to feel safe here. I want you to express yourself. If it helps, remember that so many of us support and love you. I'm hoping you can feel our security blanket wrapped around you.
    Peace, my friend.

  2. Angie... I am so sorry. How horrible. Please try to remember that there are so many people who love you and want to support you through your journey. It's unfortunate that it's the insensitive one's that stand out. Just one more crappy thing we don't need to deal with.
    I will miss you.....


  3. Sigh. I am so disappointed that anyone would use our little corner of the blogosphere for anything other than support and love. Despite the ties that bind us as babylost mamas, we are all different people who fit into all kinds of different communities. We should be able to connect and disconnect in whatever way feels healing, that is what this space is all about. We are all in a bad place in our own ways, no matter whether our loss was last week or decades ago...but it is unfair to take that out on other people. I do hope you will not let this nasty experience make you feel are a signficant part of this community just like anyone else. Love to you sweet Angie.

  4. WTF? That's all I can say. WTF.

    I respect your decision if you need to bow out of blogging for a bit but I wish it because it was something you wanted to do, not something you felt you needed to do because a place didn't feel safe anymore. Grr.

  5. I'm sorry Angie.

    There are so many ways to misinterpret our words your words, everyone's words and actions. I have encountered the "grief olympics" in blogland and (much worse) in person. It's not pretty and it leaves you cautious and defensive.

    This is your place and you get to say and do whatever you need.


    I don't get it.

    Grief is grief is grief.

    Sending you love and a wish for peace.


  6. I am so sorry this happened to you. I read your blog all the time, and very much appreciate your thoughts and insights. Please don't let this experience sour you, there is a lot of support for you.


  7. I really hope you can stay Angie xo

  8. I am so sorry this happened, Angie.
    I read back some on your posts and saw you posted about Jizo. I have one too, and wrote about it long time back on my blog. :-)

    Take care. xo

  9. Ugh, I read a comment on another blog that was directed to the writer and it shook me. It had nothing to do with me, but I wanted to take my blog down at that moment. I couldn't handle a response like the one I read.

    Like Lea, Om and all the others said, I hope you know that there are many of us supporting you and it is too bad that the ugly voices stand out the most.

    Deepest Peace to you.

  10. So sorry you got nasty comments. It doesn't make sense that people do that in this corner of the blogoverse. I think we have all been attacked at one time or another by a "stanger" to these blogs and it's always amazing how everyone else rallys to defend the attackee. I am not sure if your person was anonymous or a blogger you know, but no one is really anonymous around here! I just don't understand other people and why they would attack someone who is clearly in pain. It must make them feel better about themselves, as pathetic as that sounds.

    You could always go private and invite which readers you want. That might make you feel safer.


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