I actually never use recipes. I wing it. It annoys Sam that we never have the same meal twice, even with some standards dishes I make, I always improvise based on what is fresh and looks good in the market.
My relationship with food and eating and cooking has taken a seriously dysfunctional turn since Lucy died and I got fat and was diagnosed with a thyroid condition. I basically don't eat very much anymore. At all. I cook for sustenance for my family, and I pick, if I eat anything. It is terribly sad, because cooking is something I love to do. Same with eating. I used to love eating, but my fatness prevents me from enjoying any meals, really.
The other morning I woke with the worst kind of fat girl anxiety dream. I dreamed that it was morning, and I woke up and ate half of a chocolate torte, and cookies, and candies, and all kinds of things I tend to deny myself. Stuff I really don't much crave to begin with. I mentally tallied the calories the entire dream and ate 2200 calories before breakfast. And kept thinking, "Now what do I do? I can't eat for two days. For three days..." I guess I woke up panting, and Sam asked me what happened, and I said, "I think I had an eating disorder nightmare."
|Me judging Pie Day|
Pear is a strange fruit. I love it, personally. My family had two pear trees when we were growing up and my mother now has four pear trees, so I grew up eating pear pie like it was apple pie, though we also had a few apple trees, so I guess I also ate apple pie. ANYWAY, people that love pear, really love pear, but most people, when deciding between fifty some pies, go for things with chocolate or liquor in it. That is what I discovered is the secret to winning a Pie Day contest, so one year I made Bourbon Pear and I won an Honorable Mention.
I am not going to write out a crust recipe, but here is the innards of the ginger pear pie and the crumb topping.
-5 or 6 pears
-an inch of ginger, peeled and grated
-a stick of butter
-half and half
I never really measure anything, except for the crumbs. Crumbs are really easy and follow this simple formula: I cup of Flour, half cup of sugar and a quarter cup of butter. Use the butter cold. Out of the fridge. And mash it with the flour and sugar. What I do is use a stick, cut it in half for the crumbs. Make the crumbs. Then use the rest of it for pats inside the pie. Anyway, making the crumbs is easiest done by hand, first, of course, using the fork to smoosh it a little, then squeezing it in your hands and mixing it up with the flour and sugar until you have little ball-like crumbs. You can put it aside, or in the fridge. The butter will melt. Oh, I forgot, preheat the oven to 375 degrees.
ANYWAY, then you slice up your pears. You can peel them. I don't. Just try to make sure they are uniform in size. Ripe is good. Just remember that. Ripe will give it a brilliant taste. Anyway, after slicing them (I usually cut them lengthwise in half, core it, then put the flat side down and slice them that way, just do they are uniform sizes.) First I do one layer of pears, then sprinkle some sugar on top, then I use my half a stick of butter and put some pats on top. I then put some of my ginger in and a dash (small dash, really small) of cinnamon. If you are feeling like you have some hard, not tasty pears, you can slice them and put them in a bowl with the sugar and the ginger, and mix it up and let it set for a while. It will draw the juice out of them, and the flavor. Anyway, with the layering, you repeat until I am at the top of the pie pan. When I am at the top of the pie pan, I add a dash or two of cream. Then I put the crumbs on top in the middle. You bake it for 40 minutes. Check it at 30 minutes, and see that the top is browning, and the liquid is boiling around the edges. That is when it is done.
Makes me want to bake on right now. They smell so delicious.